Sorry about this!

23 Mar

It happened like this. About two weeks ago I went to the doctor having had persistent digestive problems. At least I had problems, but these stopped when I ceased to use wheat products. I was expecting a few tests to confirm or reject my hypothesis, but was sent to the local hospital instead for an inspection of the inside of my fundamental orifice. That happened almost a week ago and I was phoned by someone at the hospital as the registrar who had examined me thought he saw a polyp in my colon. Still no sign of an allergy test.

On Friday I picked up some extra-strength laxative to take before today’s examination. I had the first dose last night, and the second from early this morning.  I have had a few upsets in my life which made me feel that the bottom had dropped out of my world. I now know what it is like to have the world drop out of your bottom. No food until after the procedure this evening. I last ate before 1 pm yesterday. I will be given some kind of painkiller and will be collected by my very understanding wife sometime tonight, after the probing and possible polypectomy. A miniature camera is to be sent up my chocolate starfish.

Sorry for the break, I just had another dash to the water closet because of the effect of the bowel cleanser. Looking at the ingredients on the box the main constituent is a chemical related to car anti-freeze. There are two powders, the large one with the anti-freeze and another, much smaller one, being aspartame (sweetener) and ascorbic acid (vitamin C to you). Mix the powders together, make up to 1 litre with cold water and mix thoroughly for a few minutes. You then drink the litre of gunk within an hour. The effect begins rather more quickly than that. Finishing the last glassful is a bit like that scene in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince where Harry force feeds Dumbledore with a poisoned drink. You know what it is going to do, but you still have to force it down.

On the plus side I am losing weight and have got by running shoes out. I can now do ten yards in two seconds (Including removing my pants and doing a half turn). Oddly enough I do not feel particularly hungry. At last, an effective appetite suppressant. It’s a shame about the side effects.

I am not supposed to drive tomorrow, but have to accompany significant other half, Hazel, to the hospital on Wednesday. What that is about will be another entry or ten. It is going to be an interesting week. Apologies for the excessive detail.

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