The husband’s dilemma on Valentine’s Day

14 Feb

Nineteen years of marriage and there is still the need to express some affection and desire when it comes to Valentine’s Day. I don’t expect a positive response, but not to make an effort would definitely cause a negative reaction. Flowers, certainly, even if they are four times the price they were at the weekend. Chocolates are a more difficult choice. They are at the same time desirable and things to be avoided, especially for a woman trying to stick to a diet who has no will power at all when it comes to shunning milk chocolates. A card, naturally, but it has to be neither too dreamily pink nor too sordidly suggestive. That cuts down the choice by about eighty percent. A gift of lacy lingerie, perhaps?  My experience there is that you should get it at Marks and Spenser, so she can change it for something  more sensible. Cook her a meal? Well, a.) I do that almost every evening, and b.) see note above about the diet. Wine is also a no-no as it is very calorific. Cuddle together on the couch? Last time we tried that I ended up with cramp. Also, the cat will try to insert herself between us. If you have heard of a contraceptive cap, don’t get confused by the idea of a contraceptive cat. Both methods are quite effective. Besides, we’re British, and we don’t admit to those kind of feelings, by Jove!

So it will be a card, some cheerful spring flowers, much preferred to red roses, a very few chocolates and a lovingly cooked but strictly calorie-controlled meal. Perhaps I will serenade her on the guitar while she tries to advance on the Wii Lego Harry Potter game and tells me to go and practice in another room.  I am a romantic, but am likely to get precious little response to my fervent wooing. She had an early start this morning, so it will be early to bed. Ho-hum, maybe next year! At least there’s some football on the tele this evening.


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