Wimbledon, weather and grunting

6 Jul

We are now coming to the end of the Wimbledon fortnight. You can tell that because the weather is just awful. There is an amber flood warning here today. A couple of years ago a roof was built over Centre Court and play will not be delayed. Mind you, with the women’s matches I have watched I have had to turn the sound down. Miss Azerenko makes a noise like the air suddenly rushing out of an air-bed whenever she hits the ball. And I am very glad that Maria Sharapova went out earlier. The noise she makes is vile, like a stuck pig. This is a shame really because she has a pretty face with perfect skin, a wonderful willowy figure and the height of a fashion model, (did I mention she has shapely legs up to her armpits?).

Now I had a rather rude dream about Maria Sharapova being desperate to make love to me, despite the age difference of 35 years, my lack of height, fitness and good looks – I said it was a dream. The trouble was, every time I brought her to the height of ecstasy in my dream she started to make that noise. Now to delay the moment of my completion of the exercise I have previously imagined Margaret Thatcher looking at me, which seems to work quite well. This time I dreamt that I kept hearing a noise like a pig being stuck and it caused me to lose interest altogether, with immediate effect. Good looks can only take you so far. Now, Serena Williams…… Ooooh!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: